As the new best-in-class wave tank opens near Orlando, Disney is publicly ashamed of failing Florida surfers: “For decades, surfers have been relegated to renting a soft wave pool at Typhoon Lagoon for mediocre thrills during off-peak park hours.”

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The Crest Surf Club will build its pool in Shirley, Long Island, just west of the Hamptons, with an expected completion date of summer 2024.

Wouldn’t you like advertising to tell it like it is?

Anyone who’s going to throw away thirty-five grand joining a wave pool country club on Long Island that’ll cost you another fifteen cents a month to surf, and that uses technology so new that the company providing it only has a primitive landing page, well, doesn’t that suit “the man with the shy little phallus” just fine.

New York City has mastered the art of balancing the inclusion/exclusion axis, dangling fruit in front of its subjects that seem so tangible and yet so out of reach.

From the DMV waist lines outside Studio 54 in the 70s to the demarcated entrances of Limelight and The Tunnel in the 90s with their brick-thick bouncers and razor-thin entrance judges, The City knows how tickle.

Sure, the oxidized lady in green at the port with the torch and crown will greet you if you’re tired and poor, but she won’t get reservations for Nobu on a Saturday at 7 p.m.

Now, Long Island isn’t Manhattan’s little sister, rather it’s its evil twin wrapped up in a suburban security bag. The scalped noses are a little less pointed, but the attitude is more rugged, inflated by property taxes that would make Donald Trump’s nose bleed.

The Crest Surf Club will build its members-only joint in Shirley, Long Island, about 28 miles west of the Hamptons, with an expected completion date of summer 2024.

The Crest website has a presentation of what the pool and facilities will look like, click here etc. But, like most things in New York, you have to submit a little piece of yourself (email request) to get to the bottom of it.

Two days after submission and a few follow-up emails later, a representative from Crest released the finer details.

The entire facility covers 3.5 acres. The actual reservoir is 1.5 acres. Travels 85 meters long. Heated in winter and open from five in the morning to midnight. Reserve your time slot, 1 hour session, 10-20 waves per person, 8-12 peeks at the drink, or flies in the champagne, at a time.

Like wave pool The American Dream who hired big waver Will Skuden to lend credibility to their place, Crest gave local pro Leif Engstrom his flag to wave at the bow of his ship.

Leif’s aerial game is tighter than a lit Roman candle and will give Crest legitimacy.

Crest calls itself “the first and best” country club with wave pool but someone might want to tell them about Wiseman’s Surf Lodge, a seventy-five-year-old mill built an hour and a half north of Sydney.

Same deal there too, thirty or sixty gees to join, current rates for surfing and so on.


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