Forget inflation, Russian hackers and Chinese competition. There is a new existential threat to our economy. This is called stopping quietly.
And how do I know that? Well, the PR talk couldn’t have been more authoritative – or alarming. For some reason – divine intervention, I see now – I didn’t reflexively dope the email without reading it, like I do with everything else in my inbox that won’t help me become a bitcoin billionaire.
“Quiet Quitting”, the account manager revealed, is “the tendency for workers to do the bare minimum to avoid being fired and essentially ‘exit’ their working lives entirely”. Note his use of capital Qs. This proves that it is really a thing, not just some internet millennial jokes that shoot their parents, like “birds aren’t real.”
Additionally, my source warned, Q² is just the latest development in the COVID era “that has left businesses across all industries struggling with a variety of labor issues.”
The baby boomers, duped into thinking that 80 is not a reasonable retirement age, have had their big resignation. Today, young snowflakes are being told that underperformance equals reducing your carbon footprint: a moral obligation.
In a TikTok video that went viral in July, Zaid Khan, aka zaidleppelin, tried to recruit his more than 11,000 followers into the QQ cult: “You’re giving up on the idea of going beyond. . . . You no longer subscribe to the hustle culture mentality that work should be your life. »
Notice how it says “hustle culture” like it’s a bad thing, rather than why we’re the only nation that matters? Hustle is what sets us apart from Third World countries like France!
With worker productivity plummeting and a near record number of unfilled jobs, the US economy can ill afford a millennial tsunami of slack. We’re not going to help Elon Musk conquer Mars with that kind of attitude.
Heed the words of Arianna Huffington, perhaps our greatest social scientist: “Quitting quietly isn’t just giving up a job, it’s a step toward giving up life.
Think about it for a minute. QQ is not a sensible reaction to an insane workplace. It’s a devious plot by the libs to turn us into a nation of losers.
Remember what dad said in “The Incredibles”: “It’s psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity. . .”
First, you cut 60 hours a week down to 50 hours, maybe even 40, if you’re really determined to check it out completely. Then you start waiting for the morning to respond to your boss’s late-night emails. You use your vacation time.
Before you know it, an entire generation is living in their parents’ garages and volunteering to help Bernie Sanders turn the United States into a socialist/communist dictatorship.
But it’s not too late to foil this insidious plot.
The aforementioned flack offered to hook me up with his client, the CEO of a company that runs corporate gift card programs. This expert, he assured me, “will unpack the various factors behind silent shutdown and discuss how big companies use incentives, recognition and a carefully constructed culture – including peer-to-peer reinforcement – to combat this downward trend in worker morale.”
Yes, I buried the news. Peer pressure and a $10 Dunkin’ gift card will save American capitalism. That and Ron DeSantis at the White House.
In the mid-1980s, I worked with a guy named Jerry who did his very stressful job as a reporter calmly and efficiently – from 7:30 a.m., or as close as possible, until exactly 3:30 p.m. , in hell or headlines, he grabbed his briefcase and rushed to Penn Station to catch the train home.
Unlike many of us in this newsroom, Jerry worked for a living. He valued time with his family more than climbing the corporate ladder.
These days, some people might praise Jerry as being at the forefront of the fight for a reasonable work-life balance. But I know what he really was: a quiet quitter, a servant of mediocrity, a threat to American exceptionalism.